effective communication power phrase: the surrender


Would you like the people you work with to be more fair and flexible?

Remember the communication truth: It is only what you are not giving that can possibly be missing from this relationship.

That said, if you want people to be more flexible with you, be more flexible with them. In other words; surrender more.

Most smart, savvy communicators are used to getting their way and “winning.” A dangerous side-effect of savvy communication can sometimes be that they become a little too aggressive and determined to “win.”

If you’re on a mission to get the people you work with to be more flexible and bend to your will, try this effective professional communication skills tactic from expert communication trainer and motivational keynote speaker Dan O’Connor:


It goes like this: When you find yourself in a discussion or even an argument with colleagues (especially difficult people), instead of proving your point or trying to convince people to go along with your idea, if the issue or point of disagreement is something that you can concede to, simply use the three step process:

1) State your objection (Power Phrase: “It’s difficult for me to see how that will work,”)

2) Convey Trust (Power Phrase: “I trust your judgement,”)

3) Show support (Power Phrase: “You have my support.”)

To put it all together, it would sound something like this: “Mark, while it’s difficult for me to see how the change in the accounting process will work, I trust your judgement and you have my support. You can count on me to help any way I can.”

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? It actually is quite simple, but it’s not easy because our ego tends to get in the way and we choose to be right rather than effective.

Remember that the more people see you as fair and flexible, the more people will choose to be fair and flexible with you. Give it=Get it.